Shattered grandeur
by Oh My it's Evie
Summary: AU. "She came back to him, but he promised to himself that he will never be hers again, even if the fate has another plans for them." Somehow dark. ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

So, this is one of the ideas I got recently. Timing is back to the high school and it's totally AU. The events are similar to the events of the Pilot episode of GG, almost the same. I hope you'll give it a chance, because it bothered me almost six months now.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip girl or any character in this story except for the ones that are product of my imagination. This story is pure fiction! All rights are going to the CW.**

Summary: AU. "She came back to him but he promised to himself that he will never be hers again, even if the fate has another plans for them." Somehow dark.

Pairing/s, characters: Chuck/Blair, Serena/Nate with Dan, Jenny and parents also starring.

Things you need to know: Serena, Nate and Chuck are very close friends. Chuck, Serena and Eric are siblings but only on the paper. Blair left after an incident and her actions caused serious problems with Chuck. Story starts six months after she left, not leaving a clue where she is. How will things roll from here?

_shattered grandeur_

Blair Waldorf never wanted her life to go this way. Her scrapbook, carefully hidden under her queen sized bed in her home, is not scrapped like this, not at all. Her home. Her annoying mother, God-obsessed Dorota, her friends. Serena. Nate. Chuck.

She shook her head, pushing that thought from her head. She is dead for Chuck Bass and that chapter of her life is not supposed to be read again. But how do you forget something and someone who you loved so much? Months of being torn apart from him didn't use, and going home is natural step.

Blair pressed her head to the window of the train, not allowing memories to consume her again. Seats are too uncomfortable, coated with excruciatingly ugly shade of orange striped material. Windows are dirty, and the others in her roomette are mostly old people, one middle-aged married couple who fought like a little children. A wife called her husband "her violet" and her hubby got really mad. Their fight end with a bunch of sloppy kisses. They were disgusting. There was also one semi-comatose granny, with her grandson who tried to speak to Blair but failed miserably.

Now all of them where asleep and Blair could think straight. She only took a train because of precautions. She couldn't afford herself being caught on airport. Blair prayed there was no one on the Grand Central, her homecoming must be in secret, she wanted it to be a surprise to her friends. At least the ones she had. Nate was apathetic to her, and Serena was more worried for Chuck, than for Blair. Serena only called once, not asking her where she is, not worried. She only told Blair to stay wherever she is. They were all angry with her. Everything was so messed at home, but she is a Waldorf and she'll die before she let them shut her out again. Just a half hour more, and she's home.

* * *

Party was in full swing, and everybody enjoyed it so far. Serena glanced around the room, sipping her Dom quietly. Things are good. Things are getting good with each day. Sure, Chuck was still on rehab and still very tough to talk to, but he'll get better with the time.

People were laughing slightly, nursing their drinks. Society wanted smile, good grades and certificate from a good college. Marriages were already set, since kids were born, because successful parents expect nothing less from their children. That's the way it goes.

"So, Nate, Dartmouth it is?" One of the older gentlemen, Mr. Priuss, smiled at Nate and Serena. They were such a nice young couple. Van der Bilt ring was reserved for this girl, everybody knew it. "Yes, well, Nate and thought about a little about UCA, UCLA.." Serena stepped it, huge smile on her face. "We don't want to be separated for that long, now, baby, do we?" She hit Nate lightly in the shoulder, as the other blonde smiled. "Yes, Mr. Priuss, we're still young. There are lot of options." Nate smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Gentleman," Serena chirped, "Can you excuse me and Nate for a second? I haven't seen him all day!" She whined like it was her biggest worry in the world. Men nodded, their eyes wandering all over her.

* * *

"So I told them, no. What could possibly be the problem with my conditions?" Eleanor Waldorf complained about her work, as always, sipping her bourbon in big gulps. "I hate to work with Saks. They are the worst buyers I have. They are like a little brats!" She almost threw her hands in the hair in rage.

"I know my dear," A middle aged woman smiled, licking champagne away from her ruby red lips. "When is Blair coming back? I haven't seen that girl in ages!" Christina was always hungry for a gossip, and whole elite of the city, from the teenagers to the pensioners were pealing over the Waldorf girl.

Eleanor slumped her shoulders, getting annoyed. "She's in the France, at her father's. Apparently, there's this amazing private school she has been dying to attend. I just couldn't say no. Her father and I made a deal she can stay how long she wants. " She lied. The truth is, she had no idea where her daughter was. Blair just came one night, talking her into the idea to go to the school in London . Later, Eleanor found out she crossed the ocean under three false names. She tried to call, but young girl never answered, except in one letter where she told her that she's okay and that she'll be back. Since then, Blair didn't call, or write, or had any contact with her past actually.

Christina narrowed her eyes, analyzing the information. Something smelled there, badly, but the truth will be out every moment. That's how they work on the Manhattan.

* * *

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Serena mused, absorbing the sight of Manhattan in the winter. Nate just shrugged, taking a sip from his beer. She passed him a neatly rolled joint, without much talking. This where _those _moments when she knew that everything fell apart. Not their relationship, but their lives. Blair was gone. Chuck was drowning in his own sorrow. Their gang existed no more.

"I miss him.." Nate stated as he took a drag of a joint, cursing everything under his breath. Life was sometimes too complicated. Serena squeezed his hand lightly. Shots of horrifying pictures of Chuck overdosed in his limo ran through her head, and she knew Nate thought about that too. Dark time for all of them. "Nate, Chuck is sick. It's not his fault."

"No, it's hers. Lying bitch." Nate shot back, his voice full of anger. "I searched for her when she left. Bitch crossed the ocean under three false names. She destroyed him and left him." He couldn't say her name. he couldn't say Blair Waldorf. Blair Waldorf didn't do that to her boyfriend. That girl was somebody else.

"Nate.. You don't mean that.." Serena's eyes were watery, her breath caught in her throat. "I, I know that what she did was wrong but she didn't drug him and she didn't drown him in the drink. That was his choice."

Nate twitched his hand from Serena's, throwing the rest of the joint away."I'm sorry.. it's.. She never even called. She didn't ask for him. She didn't fight for him." He threw his hand around her shoulder, drawing her closer to him. "Promise me you won't do that to me." She kissed his other hand, pressing it to her forehead. It was a silent promise. "We'll go to see him tomorrow, okay?" , "Okay." Comfortable silence fell on them as the dusk did it's magic.

Blair glanced around the Grand Central, searching for the familiar faces, and let out a sigh of relief when she saw that no one who mattered was there. She quickly ran out to hail a taxi, with each step she was closer to her home. Blair could almost smell familiar note of her penthouse.

* * *

As she drove, Blair wondered what would their reaction be. Nate will be surprised, angry probably, because she escaped him every time his PI almost found her. Her mother would fake a surprise, along with Serena and Lily, but all three of them will caught her elbow, asking her where the hell was she. Dorota will be the only one who will be happy to see her. And Chuck.. He would probably sip his drink in the corner, staring at her whole evening, silently blaming her for his overdose. She heard about it, but she never believed it. He loved himself too much.

Manhattan streets ran wildly as she stared at them dreamily, feeling home. Winter stretched this year, and tonight snow was falling lightly on the frozen land, shining. Blair always loved snow. She would read for hours in her room, glancing every second to the window, just to make sure it's still falling. Good days.

The taxi suddenly stopped in front of her building. She took a deep breath to compose herself, before she threw the 100 dollar bill to the driver, not waiting for the change.

"And I told him, get that out of my apartment, it's ruining my floors! That rug was the ugliest thing I've ever saw!" Lily was telling some little story about her redecoration of the Van der Woodsen residence. A small group that contained Nate, Anne, Captain, Serena and Eleanor listened her story and laughed in unison. Lily was a lot like Serena, happy and full of adventures. "Lily, why didn't Bart make it? I'm sorry he's not here!" Anne smiled kindly at the woman, asking just for a little chat. "Oh, he's in Bangkok for the weekend. He'll be back in Monday, for sure!"

Before anyone could answer, Serena's eyes stuck on the petite brunette, her jaw on the floor. She could barely signal to Nate that one guest more joined the party. "Blair!" She shouted, fake smile plastered on her face. "Over here!" Serena waved her hands as Blair's expression changed from surprised to restless.

Eleanor looked over at Blair, and so did the rest of their group. Everyone stared at Blair. Brunette wanted to curl in the ball and skip all of this. Of course her mother would host a soiree at Saturday night. "Serena! I missed you!" She rushed into Serena's arm, breaking the uncomfortable silence with the most uncomfortable hug she ever had. Serena stiffened under her touch, but somehow she found herself hugging Blair back.

Everyone greeted Blair with warm words. "So Blair, how was your school?" Anne asked suddenly. "Oh, London is enchanting! I already miss it!" Everyone fell in confused silence, and the Captain spoke first. "We thought you were in France?" Blair gulped, caught in her lie. "Um, that came after." It seemed that everyone believed her, sighing over her education. "Serena, can I speak to you for a moment?" She saw blonde hesitate, so she smiled sweetly, adding one _please_ to that.

"So, where is he?" She spat out impatiently, glancing nervously around the room. Chuck was nowhere in the sight. Serena looked at her quizzically, her brows furrowing in the confusion. "Who?" And then she let one "Oh.." Serena gulped, her head falling down. "It's surprise you don't know.. He's at the Ostroff center." Blair's heart skipped a beat. So, it was true. _Please don't say it, please don't say it, _she prayed silently, "Why?" She let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes.

"He overdosed." Serena stated bitterly, her voice screaming, _it's your fault_.. Blair's eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away. "I have to go. See you at school." She tried to go past Serena, but another blonde stood on her way. "Don't even think about it, Blair." Nate drawled her name in disgust, his eyes full of rage. "He's sick and if you ever asked yourself, yes, it is your fault." Blair just rushed past him, her heart pumping in her ears.

_Overdosed._

_He's sick._

_He's at the Ostroff center._

_It's her fault._

* * *

Blair ran into the Ostroff center, walking mess. She rushed to the nurse, searching for Chuck Bass. "It's over there," a redhead pointed to the deep blue doors, "But the time for visits is over…" Blair didn't catch a word, instead she just walked slowly to the room, nurse following her. "Miss, you can't go in there.."

"I'm family.." She stated simply, sadly, glancing at peacefully sleeping Chuck in the room. "Please.." She turned to the nurse, tears in her eyes. The older woman nodded heavily, muttering something under her breath about Chuck Bass's family.

Once she was alone in the room with him, Blair didn't know what to do. She cheated him and in her miserable attempt to defense herself said that he deserved it. She pushed him into that hell. She'll have the mark on her heart.

Brunette kneeled in front of the bed, taking his hand in hers. "What did I do?" She asked herself silently, looking at his pale face, almost lifeless body. "Chuck.. I'm so, so, sorry.. I never meant to do this to you.." She kissed his hands, laying her head in their clutched hands.

_Tears stream down your face,_

_When you lose something you cannot replace.._

A/N:

Lyrics from "Fix You" By Coldplay. Uh, sorry if it was awful. You know what to do, it's all waiting for you!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Guys! Thanks for the awesome feedback! I'm glad you like the story, so, here is the another chapter for you.. Btw, did you saw new bloopers? They are so sweet, you should totally check them out if you didn't already. Ok, enough babbling, let's get to the good things, now. Alsooo, Chair will have their first heart to heart talk in this chappie! But don't expect union so soon. Blair was pretty harsh to our Casanova and he's still pretty much in the Ostroff centre so.. By the way, this is in SENIOR YEAR (God I hated Chuck's hair in that season so I'll just imagine his hair is messy) so please keep that in mind, cotillion etc. already happened.

_My lover she is waiting for me__  
__Just across the bar,__  
__My seat's been taken by some sunglasses__  
__Asking 'bout a scar,__  
__I know I gave it to you months ago__  
__I know you're trying to forget…_

_"Why did you do it?" Chuck asked, drink in his hand, three days beard, and Blair Cheating Waldorf sitting next to him. She cheated on him, and then she tried to put in under a carpet. Blair was silent. She wanted to cry, to tell him that she's sorry, that she knew she's wrong. "Chuck, don't.. Please." She spoke, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Tell me." His eyes are empty, hollow, just like his heart. She didn't want to be weak. She couldn't carry that weight on her heart. "Because, Chuck.." I wasn't drunk. I didn't want it to happen. I'm sorry. I love you. Please. "You deserved it. You were too big disappointment for me." With that, she walks out of his apartment, not sparing him a one last glance. It's over. His whole life, he's a disappointment of a son, and now, a disappointment of a boyfriend too._

_But between the drinks and subtle things__  
And the holes in my apologies__  
You know I'm trying hard to take it back__.._

_"Chuck!" He can hear a voice, a woman's voice. It's not Blair's so he doesn't bother to open his eyes. He hears a lot of crying, cursing and screaming. But the only thing that matters is that she left and she's not coming back to him. Never._

_"We're losing him!"_

_"Too much heavy drugs in his system. We'll do everything we can."_

_Chuck can hear doctors too, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to be saved. What is his life after all? One big disappointment. "He won't make it. We're sorry."_

_And then screaming._

Chuck twitched from his dream. Nightmare, that is. Every night, every fucking night after his relapse he's dreaming it. He can hear conversations, cursing, and screaming. Serena's screaming. Most of all, he's seeing Blair, smirking at him, her face telling him that he deserved it. It may take a months on therapy to get over that part. But he's not sure he wants to get over it. To get over everything.

"Chuck?"

A small, fragile voice called for him, and it feels familiar. No. It can't be her. Not now. Not this. He sat upright on his bed, and he can finally see her. See Blair. Her eyes are puffy, clearly, she cried. Her hair is messy, skin pale, lips scarlet. She quickly stood up from her armchair, wiping her tears away. "What are you doing here?" His question is sudden, harsh and free of emotions.

Blair closed her eyes, taking a shaky breath. Now that she's actually here, and he's awake, she didn't know what to say_. I miss you? I spent six months of my life for nothing, instead of being there for you. I'm sorry? I know it's my fault. I know that you and everybody else will always keep me responsible for it, but really, you can, because I am. Forgive me. I want everything to go back where we started. I know we can't erase the past but we could try to be something again._

Instead, Blair remained silent, quiet, dry sob escaping her lips. "Chuck.." She tried, to say something, to say anything, really. But now, he's looking with his caramel eyes, shaking his head. "Don't, don't even try it. Just leave. I don't want you here." He looks at her, not angrily, not sadly. And for the first time in her life, she could see that he's disappointed in her.

_I_ _guess that I,_  
_I just thought,_  
_Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart_

Blair's eyes prickled with tears, ugly memories coming to haunt her again. "I came back.. Yesterday…" He nods, his eyes empty all over again. "Why did you come here?"

"I heard about.. Unfortunate events of last spring.." Tears fell from her eyes, her legs betraying her. "I'm so sorry, Chuck. For everything… I had no idea.." She spoke again, her voice barely a whisper.

Chuck scoffed, rolling his eyes. She dared to come here, to speak to him, to tell him that she's sorry, apparently, for everything. "That's weird… I mean I know that you are so sorry because you did call every day. You even wrote..Oh, wait, yes, that never happened." Blair opened her mouth to speak In defense, but he continued. "And what is everything, Blair?" He drawled in disgust.

Just when Blair wanted to speak, Nate and Serena flew into the room, with coffee and croissants in one, and _Titanic_ in the other hand. They were laughing slightly, but when they saw Blair Nate and Serena's chirping died.

"Blair.." Serena was first to talk, her voice wavering. "Oh, if you two were.." She motioned Nate to leave the room along with her, but Chuck cut her off. "No, Blair was just on leaving, right?" He turned to Blair with flat expression on his face.

She sniffled, picking up her trench coat and purse. "Yes, I.. Goodbye.." With that, she quickly exited the room.

"What was she doing here?" Nate asked quizzically, his brows furrowed in both confusion and anger. "Why did you let her in?"

"I didn't. She came last night apparently. I guess she's back for good." Chuck answered, shaking his head. Serena was setting the movie and the breakfast, their ritual twice a week. Chuck turned to her, his eyes landing on the cover of the movie. "Titanic? Really, sister?" He smirked at her.

Serena only smiled triumphantly, and sing-sang, "It was my day to choose."

XOXO

Blair stepped out of the Ostroff Centre, her feelings floating. Chuck was obviously too bitter and too hurt to talk. Not that Blair didn't understand him. She hurt him and left him graceless, saying the most hurtful words to him. So, she'll have to give him a space, but he also needed to know that she's not going anywhere, and that she'll wait.

The day was sunny but freezing, and she was only in her deep blue striped dress and coat. So, the next residence was Waldorf Penthouse.

Everyone who ever landed their foot on the expensive floors of the Waldorf penthouse, stepped there onto their own responsibility, Blair thought. As soon as the elevator doors closed, she was alone in the foyer. Moment didn't pass, but memories were already there.

Piano was there, black and polished. Chuck loved to play it, only for her excitement. Sometimes, she would caught herself humming softly the melody of his favorite song. It was still carefully placed in her mind.

Pictures. Blair loved pictures, she captured every beautiful moment of her life in photos, so she had her own little gallery. Her fingers brushed against the silver frame of photo from the Tuscany. She and Chuck were sitting on the hammock, kissing. Her hair was slightly lighted, skin slightly tanned. He was hugging her from behind, and her head was turned to him. They looked so.. Carefree together.

_Can you hear my heart, hear my heart now,_

_Love is a fire and it's burning me down.._

"_Chuck," Kiss. "This isn't.." Kiss. "Going to.." Kiss. "Work." Kiss. "Chuck! Listen to me! We're too heavy to sit here together! I said one picture and that's it. Now that we have a photo, let's get out of this." Blair chirped as she squirmed in Chuck's arms. They were on the private beach, sitting on the very unstable hammock, just above the sea. He smirked when she finally calmed, her head falling on his chests. "We're going to die." Chuck laughed at her adorable frown and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "Why are you complaining? You're on the top of me, technically." He said, wrapping his hands strongly around her little frame. "So you're saying we are going to fall?" She retorted quizzically, pout on her lips. "Are you afraid, Waldorf?"_

_Blair scoffed, tracing her fingers along the side of his face. "You wish.." She whispered before they fell in the comfortable silence._

Suddenly, Blair heard a familiar heels clicking behind her and fragrance of Bourbon and Chanel. Eleanor. Memories floated away in the speed of the light, as she dropped the frame back to the shelf quickly, before she turned around. She found mother staring at her, that judgmental look plastered on her face, like every time they spoke. _Well, at least that didn't change_, Blair thought bitterly. She stuck her nails into her palms, fixing her eyes on the invisible wrinkles on her dress. "Mother.." Blair drawled, her voice fragile and small.

Eleanor caught her golden necklace between her fingers, gazing at Blair from head to toe, before she slapped her hard across the cheek. Blair screamed, tears immediately prickling in her eyes, not because of pain, but because of shame and sorrow in her heart.

Blair wanted to say something, but Eleanor hushed her with a raise of her hand. She closed her eyes, months of worry and stress knocking her all over again. "I have only one question, Blair. Where were you?" It was toughest of them all for Blair. Where was she, after all? Running away from the catastrophe she made? Blair bit her lip, massaging her temple. "Mother, I assure you that I can explain. But I would like it to happen without your hands flying into my face." Eleanor's expression went from blank to the radiating anger. Her face was in a bright shade of red and Blair wanted to bite her tongue because of her words.

Woman caught her shoulders, shaking her in fury. "I had no idea where are you. You were supposed to be in a boarding school but I know you haven't been there so don't even try to lie me! And is it true, that you cheated on Chuck?" Eleanor's eyes narrowed with the last question, as Blair coped with the answer. "Mother, I.." Blair let her tears fall, because denying was unnecessarily. "Shame on you. You're Waldorf, it's not who you are. I can't see how can you look him in the eyes? The boy is very sick and now I know why. You can live here Blair.." She paused to take a breath to steady herself. "But don't expect me to accept you like a daughter any longer."

She turned and stormed to the elevator, but something exploded in Blair and before she could even contain it, she screamed. "Daughter, huh? I wonder when did you accept me for myself to be your daughter? When, Mother?"

Older woman shot her an icy look before the elevator door closed. Blair let out a sob, catching her burning chin. She slumped against the wall, her hand on her mouth, trying to contain herself, but eventually tears came, faster and more bitter. She cried and screamed in an empty penthouse, her soul destroyed.

_Welcome home, Blair Waldorf_, she thought to herself before storming to the bathroom, to destroy herself once more.

XOXO

Serena walked into the Blair's penthouse carefully, eyeing the foyer and the living room. Everything was empty, hollow with creepy silence. "Blair?" Blonde called for her, spotting the broken photo frame almost immediately. It was _the photo_ of the Blair and Chuck. Brunette always kept her eyes on that picture, referring to it as to a "Chuck and Blair's altar." She always found it silly, but there was something that both Chuck and Blair loved in it so much.

Serena climbed the stairs, walking to the Blair's old room. She heard a slight coughing, and a sound like.. _Oh, no._Hurriedly, she rushed to the bathroom, knowing exactly what was going on in there. "Blair.." She knocked softly, "Open the door honey, it's me."

"Go away, I want to be alone." Blair murmured on the other side, tears rumbling down her face. But Serena popped up, kind smile on her face. "Are you trying to get to the Ostroff too?" She joked, sitting next to the Blair.

"Not funny."

"At least I tried.." Serena wiped away Blair's tears, like many times before. She noticed a slightly red area on her cheek and Blair immediately stiffened under blonde's touch. "B, talk to me. Tell me what happened."

"It's just.. Nothing in the same anymore, you know?" Blair shook her head, scoffing.

"Is that why you broke the picture? To get rid of that?" Blair blinked in confusion. "I didn't.." She paused for a moment. "It's broken?" She quickly jumped to her feet, rushing out of the room.

Serena followed almost immediately. Her gaze softened as she saw Blair clutching the broken glass on the floor. She squeezed her shoulder tightly trying to get Blair on her feet. "Blair, come on, we'll fix it.."

"It's the only thing I still have..." Blair said, with excruciating sorrow in her voice. "But, I thought you still have the scarf and.." Blair shook her head violently, her hand bleeding. "No.. No.. He wanted everything back but I couldn't give this away.."

Serena felt chagrin n the pit of her stomach, shivers flying through her body. She kneeled next to Blair, hugging the other girl tightly. "I'm so bad person Serena.." Serena hushed her, letting her tears to fall one more time. "Shh, Blair.. It's going to be okay.. You two were always for each other.."

"But what if it doesn't?" Blair asked, massaging her palm.

"Then.. It was just not meant to be.." Serena answered, sighing, her face falling blank.

* * *

"Do we have to talk about her?"

Chuck was beyond pissed and annoyed. He sat on the couch of his psychologist, an old woman with neatly manicured eyebrows and 80's hairstyle. She was always dressed in a different shade of blue colour and had a matching headband on her pale blonde hair.

"Yes, Chuck, my dear, we have to. Every day you're saying that she's not important. But she is. She's the problem, isn't she?" She scrub something onto her notebook, massaging her temples. "I heard that she.." Vicky glanced at her notebook, " Blair, is it, visited you this morning.. How did you feel about it?"

Chuck sighed, seeing there was no way out of this conversation. He played with the black leather of the couch. He closed his eyes, the flashbacks of this morning coming back to him.

"I.. I don't know.. God, I'm so mad at her.." He scoffed as she nodded gently in understanding. "But.. Not as nearly mad as much as I love her."

"Chuck, listen to me now, listen to me very carefully." She spoke, fixing the glasses on her nose. "You have two choices and neither of them, if you choose one, will be easy. The first one is that you forgive her." Chuck's eyes closed as he let out the breath. "The second one is not to forgive her. Both will have consequences but good sides too. It's up to you."

"I.. I don't know." Chuck squirmed, feeling uncomfortable. "It's okay. You don't have to decide immediately. But you do have to talk with her."

He nodded and she smiled, pleased. "Well, our session is over. I'll see you in Wednesday, is that okay? And, oh, Chuck? Say hello to your wonderful sister." She winked at him, and then he left the room.

"Christie? If Blair Waldorf visits the Ostroff centre, send her to me immediately, is that clear? I want to speak to that girl." Vicky smiled wickedly, pleased with herself.

* * *

Blair rubbed her hands, nausea rumbling in her stomach. She was standing in front of the Ostroff centre for twenty minutes, not daring to step her foot inside. What would he say? What would he do? Maybe this was a mistake. She turned on her heels to leave, disappointed in her courage when a soft hand landed on her shoulder.

"Blair.. " She turned around, frozen. Chuck was standing there, in deep blue coat, two nurses behind him. "What were you doing here?"

Her mind raced to find a proper answer. "I was just.." She let out a sigh, "I wanted to talk. To you." He nodded, absorbing the information. He gestured her to the walkway. "Well, let's talk then."

Two nurses followed closely behind them. "Do they, um, need to be here?" Blair asked, getting annoyed with the girls. Chuck whispered something to the blonde one, and they immediately left.

"So.." Blair gulped.

"So.."

"Chuck, I.. I know how awful girlfriend I was. Horrible, even. I know what I did and if there's one thing I could erase from my life it would be that. I also know you're angry at me, but.. There's a part of me that would always wait for you." Blair's eyes filled with the hot tears as she spoke.

He nodded, sadness plastering on his pale face. "God Blair.. I'm so angry at you. Not because you tricked me. Okay, that hurts too, but the fact that you couldn't be happy with me just destroyed me. It burned me alive." She grasped his arm, but he continued. "And then you said I deserved it and that I'm the disappointment of a boyfriend. And that's what hurt most. The feeling of.. Not being enough, I guess."

She let her tears fall. There was no denying. "I only said it because I was desperate to defend myself. I know I was wrong. But, we can leave the past behind, right?"

"I asked you once, are you happy with me. And you said you are. Why did you lie?" He asked. "But I didn't! I never lied to you about that!" Blair answered almost immediately, her body trembling.

"I loved you so much, Blair. You're it for me. But what I've learned is that before I love others, I have to love myself too. And I have to think about what's good for me. You know how was the situation past months.." Silence landed on them, their worst fears gathering around. "You never even called.."

Blair opened her clutch, and pulled out a wrinkly paper. "What's that?" He asked, eyes narrowed in the direction of the paper.

"A letter." She stated simply. "I wrote it to you when I heard about your.. relapse." He nodded, his eyes furrowed.

"Chuck,

You have every right to hate me, because I hate myself too. I left because there's nothing in the Manhattan for me any longer. You don't love me anymore, and Serena and Nate are disappointed in me. I want you to know that I didn't mean a word I said. They were all lies. My desperate attempt to defend myself. I failed. My world fell apart and I just can't find a way to put it back together. But, you have to remember.." She took a shaky breath. " No matter who I sleep with, who am I with, or whoever I marry one day, you will always be the one for me, and I'm glad that I have one constant thing in my life. I love you. I'm in love with you. I love you so much it consumes me. And if you never forgive me, I will still love you.

Always have, always will."

Snow was falling on them, soft and downy. They stood on the opposite sides, two broken lovers crashed and burned in the same ash. "Why didn't you send it?" He played with their intertwined fingers, their foreheads pressed. "I was afraid, I guess."

"Afraid of what?"

"That you'll confirm my biggest fears."

He finally pulled her into a hug, and her head pressed into his neck, as they finally found their heaven.

_"They say the only way to conquer your fear is face what you fear the most. You must walk into the belly of the beast. And risk the possibility of failure. But try to hide from your fear, and you risk it swallowing you whole._

_XOXO, Gossip girl."_

A/N:

Songs are:

1st "We are young" by Fun and the 2nd is "Love is a fire" by Courrier

Okay.. So. Chuck and Blair ARE NOT TOGETHER YET! Next chapter is going to explain it. From now on, every chapter will end with one gossip girl (narrator) quote. Just imagine that she's speaking it. Hahha okay, so, see you soon! Review if you have time ;)


	3. Chapter 3

_Rise and shine Upper East Siders. Christmas break is over and we're celebrating a new beginnings. But this time, no matter how naughty you've been in Aspen, old dishes are winning. Guess who's back? Our Queen B landed her expensive Louboutin on the Upper East Side's ground, again. Why did you left? Where have you been, your Highness? We heard our favorite UES couple is no longer a couple, and our beloved Devil is locked into a Ostroff. The first one who founds out the truth about these two will be the last one to laugh, for sure. - XOXO, Gossip girl_

"Ugh, seriously?"

Blair slammed the cell phone in her handbag, sighing. Of course that Gossip Girl would post about her immediately. And what the hell did she mean with "The first one who founds out will be the last one to laugh, for sure." ? The secret about her leaving knew only four of them and she planned on leaving it that way.

She straightened the hem of her deep blue pencil skirt, sighing. Every curl was right in place, white blouse set without wrinkles, diamonds glittering on her head and in her ears. It's been too long since she felt this excitement before a school day. What would people say, how would day react to her homecoming? If any of them had a piece of a mind in their little dyed heads, they wouldn't search for her reason of leaving. Not that Serena or Chuck would tell anyone, of course, but Nate's trust to her was shaky. He wouldn't want to hurt Chuck, but Nate wanted Blair to burn in hell. And, he was not the brightest crayon in the box after all.

"Hey B.." Serena rushed in the room, splashing Blair with her Gucci scent, blondness and chirping. "Excited? I have.. Uh…" She waved her busy hands, holding coffees, "Coffee, and, the latest blast of Gossip Girl." Blair gave her a stern look, raising her eyes.

Blonde opened her mouth and closed it, absorbing Blair's message. "Oh you.. Saw it already.." Blair nodded as she packed the psychology notebook in her handbag. "Yes I did. I expected it, S. But thanks for the coffee thought."

"So.. Are you excited?" Serena asked, sipping her coffee as they went downstairs.

"About the fact that I'm getting my old life back? Yes. I missed it. I still do." Blair shrugged. Her kingdom is always going to be her kingdom, no matter who comes and goes out of it. She was the queen, and as far as she's concerned, queens can leave her empire to struggle a little bit without her.

She pressed the elevator button, smoothing her Burberry. "So, you didn't tell me. Did somebody try to take my place?"

Serena made a weird face expression, but didn't answer the question. She looked like she really didn't want to talk about that. "Huh, where's the elevator when you need it.." Blair raised her eyebrows at her suspiciously. "Serena Celia Van der Woodsen, what are you hiding from me?"

"What.. I.. Am not.." Serena struggled with words, her eyes restless. "Uh, B, can we just.." Blair continued staring at her, "You'll see." Blonde gave up, slumping her shoulders.

"See what exactly?" Blair's lips formed a thin line, her face went pale. "What Serena?"

The other girl bit her nails, pretending that she didn't heard a word Blair said. "I'm losing my patience here, S." Serena was salvaged as the elevator doors opened.

"You're really see. Come on, we're late." She pushed brunette into the elevator avoiding the topic.

* * *

"What are you trying to say?"

Jenny tapped her fork impatiently, snarling at Hazel. She didn't understand how Blair managed to circle herself with such a clumsy minions. "I swear to God, you'll be dismissed if you don't get the dress from the dry cleaning by noon."

"But they are not done with the dress. I called three times yesterday and five times this morning. They say that it should done by tomorrow morning." Hazel retorted in a small voice, clutching her purse painfully. "Jenny, maybe you could.."

"Okay, ugh, stop babbling." Jenny raised her hand, shoving off her yoghurt. "Your voice gives me a headache. Hazel, Penelope, give me the reports about Chuck's condition in Ostroff." She extended her pale arm down, but two girls shut their mouth tightly, bowing their heads in defeat. "Blair's comeback?" She stared at them, waiting for an answer. "You haven't found anything?" Penelope nodded slightly, which made Jenny's face red. She gulped, digging her nails in her palms. "Are you that incompetent?!" She barked at them, standing up.

"That's it. You two are grounded. And your punishment is.." She peeped at her notebook, searching for appropriate punishment. "Ah, yes. No siding to the Met steps or me or any minion for two days." Jenny shot them an angry look, "And then, I will _think_about taking you back. "

Girls scoffed, not believing one word she said. No one listened to queen any longer.

She walked away, dismissing them all. Screw them all. She wanted to save her spot on the Met, in Constance. Now that Blair is back her status as a Queen is threatened, and she needed to have a plan worked out for a takedown, or two just in case. She did learn from the best, of course. Blair wouldn't, in million years digress from her fight. But the times are changing and she blew her chances away when she left. Jenny struggled so much, worked hard to balance two lives she lived. At home, she would sew her dresses whole night and sell them on the internet so she could have money to keep up with everybody else, but when the day rises, Jenny would put her makeup to mask her eye bags from the sleepless night and go to school like the queen she is. Not every queen was born on top, Jenny knew, because she wanted to achieve something, to make it happen by herself. Everything would fall in the laps of Manhattan's teenagers, but she didn't want to live that way. She wanted to turn around one day, and to say that she did it by herself.

Last six months were not successful, to say at least. When Blair went to _school in France_there was a huge mess of fights. Serena was to distraught to make peace, other girls were fighting, Chuck was nowhere to be seen and Nate was.. Well, Nate. Eternally in clouds. So what one girl can do, but to put a weight of all of that on her shoulders. She set the rules, and they were up for everyone, except for Serena. Serena was something like.. A first lady of the Constance Billiard. Everyone loved her, but despised Jenny at the same time. Jenny was also Serena's fan, always kind and sweet to her. What burned most was that nobody followed the rules, and nobody accepted their punishments. There was only a few rebellions that she managed to take down, but the school was in the worst state than ever.

So, in her great fallen kingdom, there was place for only one queen.

* * *

"Okay, there they are." Serena spoke darkly as they approached the steps. Blair eyed all of the girls carefully, trying to discover which one was trying to take what belonged to her since forever. One girl looked too out of shape, the other was insecure, third one was.. tinkering her pimple? Gross. None of these girls were even worth of the queen's attention. Of course, that depended of who the queen actually was. She spotted Kati and Iz almost immediately, they were shaking lightly. What the hell was wrong with all of them?

When the girls saw Serena and Blair by her side, they stood up immediately, bowing to Serena. "Serena, Blair, hello. Can we get you anything?" One girl spoke in wavy tone, her head still bowed. "Welcome back, Blair. We are glad to see you here again." Kati said, giving her a small smile.

Serena dismissed them with a wave of her hand. "Girls, I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't a palace in a kingdom. "

"Thank you, Serena."

"We love you, Serena."

"You are our real first lady of Constance."

"We will always cherish you, Serena."

Blair watched the exchange in awe, her eyes almost fell out of her head. Girls were bowing to the_.. first lady_? What did they do for a leader, then?

"Ugh, mini-slaves?" Blair waved her hands in front of their faces, "Who is your leader?"

One of the girls trembled, whispering: "Jennifer Jenny Humphrey."

Blair's face went blank, as she took the information. "This all.." She gestured at the sight around them, "Is her work?" Girls nodded. "I want to see her. Where is Little J?"

One of the new girls flinched at the Blair's remark. No one called Jenny like that _in ages_. "Blair, I don't think it's wise.."

Blair's nostrils flared. "Who are you to tell me what's wise and what's not?!" She almost screamed in frustration. Her comeback shouldn't go like this. Not at all. The poor girl mumbled _I'm sorry_ and backed off.

Serena dragged Blair by the hand, trying to stop a fight. "Come on, Blair I'll show you, just.. Drop it, leave them, okay?" Blair glared at her, then at the terrified minions. The scene was even recorded by one of the students from the St. Jude. She took a breath to compose herself. "Okay. Let's go."

As soon as they turned around to leave, minions stood up and bowed again.

When they reached the bottom of the steps, Blair finally twitched her arm from Serena's tight gasp. She was so angry, she could almost see dizzy.

"What is this, Serena?" Her tone was giving her patience away. "How could you?" Her eyes narrowed in a tight line. "How could you let this happen?" Blair snarled, screaming. "I thought you saved it for me, for your friend! How could you do this to me? You just couldn't wait for me to leave, right, Lady S?" She mocked, drawling Serena's nickname in disgust.

"Woah, Blair, wait.. Why are you angry now that.."

"Why am I angry?" Blair's eyes widened in disbelief, "You mean why am I furious?!"

"Oh stop it, Blair, damn it!" Serena finally screamed, unable to contain her anger. "I really am a horrible friend, am I, Blair? Do you know why I didn't stop her?! I didn't have strength to, okay?!" She nodded at Blair, tears gleaming in her sapphire eyes, "I was mentally _and_ physically exhausted! Because it was too fucking hard, okay?! Nate and I were helping Chuck after he overdosed because of you! _I_was saving _his_ life, so yes, sorry Blair that I didn't have time to save your stupid position because HIS life was on a cliffhanger! He could've died if we came half hour later!"

Serena stopped in her tracks as people started to stare at her. She sniffled and closed her eyes, bad memories overflowing her mind. She was right, it was too fucking hard. "I'll see you in school Blair."

She turned around on her heels, storming off to the school.

_Ay dios mio! The school day didn't even started and the catfights are floating around. Be careful, your Highness, homecoming sometimes can be warm and welcoming, but let's face it, this is the Upper East Side. At least you know I love you, and your not so little secrets - XOXO, Gossip Girl_

* * *

"So, Blair.. You decided to join us again. We are thrilled to have you around again." Headmistress Queller eyed Blair's script quietly as Blair sat in wooden polished chair on the other side of the table.

Blair gulped, playing with the hem of her blouse. "There's no school like Constance Billiard. Especially for me." She even managed to threw one of her signature sweet smiles, reserved for parents and teachers. _What an angel_, they would think.

"Well, Blair Waldorf, welcome to the Constance, again." Headmistress stood up, shaking hands with Blair. "I'm extremely happy to see you around, if Constance has a shining star, it's Blair Waldorf."

Blair laughed along almost hysterically, raising her eyebrows. "Oh, I can assure you, I'm staying here for good.", the older woman nodded, "Okay.." Headmistress gestured her to go, "Your classes are waiting."

Blair nodded immediately, heading to the French.

When she stepped on the hall, everyone threw her amused looks, someone afraid, someone laughing. Blair passed them all, head and heels high. She spotted Serena next to her locker, looking pale and devastated. She was talking on the phone with someone, and didn't look pleased.

"Serena.." Blair approached her, her tone small. Blonde turned around, still speaking to someone. "Yes, Chuck, in fact she's right here, and if you try to steal nurse's phone again I'll really slap you. Okay, yes, I'll tell her. Bye.."

Blair stared at her, "Chuck?", Serena nodded, smiling a little. "He took a phone from the nurse. Stole it, actually. He said you could come over after school." She stopped in her walk, taking Blair's hand. "Look, he decided to give you a chance and I'm not going to stand in your way. I wish you luck, but if you disappoint him again.." Blair gulped, "He won't survive it."

Blair pulled Serena into a quick hug, fighting her tears. "Thank you.."

"You know, B.." Serena spoke again heavily, "When I told him to stop destroying himself, I told him that because I knew you'll be back and that you two are forever. I know I wasn't wrong." She sighed and then left to meet Nate.

Blair stood in awe, still in little shock. Penelope approached her. "Hey B." She almost snarled, scanning Blair's outfit. "We heard that you're.."

Blair raised her hand to shut her, massaging her temples. "Where is Little J?" Hazel flinched, and Penelope bit her lip. "We're not allowed to go near her for two days.." Blair rose her eyebrows in surprise, "But at this time she has biology. Maybe you could find her there."

Blair smirked, and left without a word more.

After she found the classroom empty, and Jenny sitting in it alone, Blair smiled wickedly. Jenny has changed for sure. She wore black, leather jacket and impudently short skirt in the same colour with white dots. Her eyes are more like racoon's now, but, who cares. Girl looks awful.

"Well, well, isn't it Little J?" Blair smirked down at her. Jenny raised her head, anger radiating through her body. "Oh, Slut Alter." Jenny retorted quickly, raising from her chair. "What do you want Blair?"

"I haven't seen school in this state since Mary Jane Jezebel. You did enough damage and now it's time for you to back off." Blair stated in calm but threatening tone. Jenny scoffed, shaking her head. "Times have changed. You're no longer a queen. Never have, never will be. Your reign is over." Jenny shot back, "For good."

Blair scoffed, closing her eyes. "Little J, if you think I will let you continue with this nonsense, then you are deeply disturbed!" She almost laughed into the Blonde's face.

Jenny had nothing to say, she was so occupied with hiding her fear that she had no time for choosing her words. So she stormed out, forgetting one piece of paper on the desk.

Blair picked it up from the floor, reading it. "Confiscation of your property will be done in.." Her eyes widened as she quickly stuck the document in her purse and left for French.

* * *

"Hello?"

Blair entered Chuck's room right after school and little shopping, her hands full of bags. Chuck's eyes softened as he gestured her to come in, pleased to see her. "Shopping a little, aren't we?"

Blair sat on the bed next to him as she threw her bags. "I looked through the Burberry's coats, but every shopping eventually leads to a shoes shopping, so.." She shrugged.

"How was school?" He asked, playing with her chocolate locks, curling it between his fingers. Blair rolled her eyes. "You won't believe in what state school is. And little Jenny is the queen." Chuck rose his eyebrows in surprise. "She is?"

"Well," Blair took her purse, "Was queen, when she sees this.." She pulled a paper out of her purse, clearing her throat, "She will capitulate." Chuck studied the paper carefully, smirking a little. "So, Little Jenny is more than poor."

Blair nodded. "It's not like I would show it to anyone. I will just threaten her with it. Make her think I will." She clasped her hands together, already smelling the scent of a sweet revenge. "How was your day, aside from stealing poor nurse's phone?" Her voice softened at him, but it still held a note of wickedness. "It's better now.." He wra[[ed an arm over her shoulders, cuddling her closer to him.

"I'm really glad you decided to give me a chance." She murmured in his sweater, inhaling his scent. "I'm glad too." He kissed the top of her head as she closed her eyes.

_It's always best to stick together, because some ties are simply unbreakable. – XOXO, Gossip Girl._

AN: A little bit of Chair, I know.. So let's make it clear, Chuck and Blair are in a friendly zone right now. Hope you don't mind that. Let's face it he can't jump her right now, don't you agree? Okay, tell me what you think! Reviews down :)


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